I, Being Myself

I was sitting on a hospital chair, countless questions flashing through my mind, doubting my own ability to take care of my family. A twenty thousand rupees bill was resting in my hand, frustratingly reassuring how screwed up I was. It’s been an year after I started working in a college nearby, whose salary I spent mostly on my GRE and TOEFL books and exams, since like many other youngsters, it was my dream to do PhD in US and settle down there. I was eagerly waiting for my admission results to come.

I was happy and careless till my dad got admitted to hospital for Pulmonary Embolism, a disease that causes clotting of blood, three days before. Doctor said that we are lucky to have him back, since blood clot was heavy around his heart. Hearing this, my sister, who was married and staying at Bangalore, came to stay with us. Even though dad was out of danger, doctors wanted him to be under observation for one week, which demanded hefty amount bill payments.

The male chauvinist ego in me was getting hurt and I was feeling ashamed because my mom was paying all the bills and I did not have enough money to pay even a single bill. As a son, I am supposed to take care of my family in financial or any other aspect, but I had failed. That is why when I got the ICU rent bill of twenty thousand I thought I will make arrangement for the money and will pay bill without asking mom. Since it was the elastic month end and my friends were like me, I was not able to collect even a penny.

I was in the hospital room, looking through the window, thinking about what to do next, somebody patted on my shoulders. It was my sister. Looking at me, she understood that I was nervous, but without knowing the reason behind it she told me

“Don’t worry Abhi, Dad will be fine. “

I turned to her and she gave me a soothing look.

“listen Abhi, I have paid ICU bill so don’t pay that again!.”

I asked in bewilderment

“How do you come to know the bill? I got it only five minutes before and you were not here at that time!”

She smiled and said

“Yesterday I asked the nurse when ICU rent will be billed and she told me to ask at the counter today morning. So while coming, I asked there and paid it. Mom is paying all the bills, rite. So I wanted to help mom.”

Her phone rang and she left the room saying that it was from her husband. So there sat I, on a hospital chair, countless questions flashing through my mind, cursing my own inability to fund my family needs, keeping my head down in shame and anger.

I looked up, when I felt somebody stroking my hair. It was my mom.

“What happened to you Abhi?”, I could see the concern for me in her eyes. I was on the edge of an emotional outburst, which I was suppressing so far and I don’t want to struggle with it anymore. So I opened up and told my mom everything. 

After hearing me, understanding my dilemma, she placed her palm over my cheeks and lifted my face and smiled.

“Listen Abhi, as a son you want to give us the best, I know. But what gives us happiness is not the amount of money you spent on us or how much successful you are in your life. But what will be more welcoming is you being with us in every inch of our life, in struggle, in happiness. I was able to get your dad to hospital on the middle of night only because you were there with me. And that is more than any financial support or luxurious life you can provide us. “

She leaned forward and kissed on my cheeks, like she used to do when I was kid. More than being a millionaire or reaching the enchanting United States, I realized there is something more to be cherished and looked for. That day I left the road to success and I started appreciating my true life.